> Larger Family Life - A Large Family Blog: family life
Showing posts with label family life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family life. Show all posts

Friday, 9 December 2011

They were talking about me

Earlier on this week we decided to go to the local shopping centre to pick up some craft supplies and maybe a gift or two. Mike and I loaded up the minibus with the two double buggies and the nine youngest children and set off.

As is quite usual now, we were stopped several times during our trip, with people wanting to know if all the children are ours, how old the twins are and how many children we actually have and any other of the regular questions we get asked. It makes the trips last a little longer but people are so pleasant when they see us and ask them that we don't mind at all.

A lot of older people mention how many siblings they may have had, or others say how they wish they had a large family or how great Christmas must be. We, thankfully, have always received a position reaction.

As we were wandering around another store, we were stopped once again, for what was perhaps the fifth or sixth time during our not even two hour trip. We were asked how many children we had, talked a little with the couple who had stopped us and then continued our shop. Mike took the children outside the shop while I queued up to pay at the counter.

As I was being served a second shop assistant came off the shop floor and began talking to her colleague who was serving me.

"There's a lady over there with eleven kids! Eleven!" she told her friend.

We smiled at each other, with me thinking she'd obviously seen Mike and I talking to the couple we'd just left.

"Eleven?!" the lady serving me repeated.

"Yes! Can you imagine having eleven children?!" the first lady replied.  And as they spoke and laughed together, occasionally glancing over and throwing a smile my way as they did so, it dawned that they didn't realise they were talking about me!


As I stood there, listening to the conversation unfold as I was being served I wondered whether I ought to jump in and tell them that I was the person they were talking about.  They weren't being rude or insulting.  They were both laughing as they imagined having so many children themselves, and were dealing with all the usual questions between each other that people generally tend to ask when they find out the size of your family.

As I was debating with myself, the assistant serving me asked her colleague a question.

"Was the mum slim?"

Whoa!

Here is my cue to jump right on in here and do it fast!  If the lady who had overheard our conversation answered her friend and said, "Oh no! The mum is really hefty!" I would have been devastated!

"No, she's not," I interrupted, and they looked up thinking I was probably being incredibly rude after firstly butting into their conversation and, secondly, insulting somebody I didn't even know.

"I'm the mum!" I explained.

And now we had two apologetic, embarrassed ladies trying desperately to reassure me that no, I am not fat and making the "Wow! Eleven children!" comments.

I don't know who found the situation funnier; me, the assistants or Mike who wondered why I was laughing when I walked out of the shop.

I'll bet the ladies are just thankful they didn't say anything bad!



 
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Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Two year olds don't need a formal education to fix Broken Britain. They need a family.

During his Autumn Statement yesterday, George Osborne announced that around 40% of two year olds would be able to receive 15 hours of free nursery education per week in order to help their parents get back to work.

The government plans to increase funding to £380 million a year in order to entitle approximately 260,000 more two year olds from the poorest families to these places.

Addressing the Commons, Osborne said, "We can double the number of children who can receive this free nursery care - 260,000 children from the most disadvantaged families will get this support in early years. This is how you genuinely lift children out of poverty."

Call me a cynic but when I heard this I thought, "What rot!"

Two year olds do not need any kind of formal education at all. For the government to claim that they are doing the children a favour by taking them away from their parents at a young age for their own future good is, quite frankly, codswallop.

This is nothing about the best interests of a disadvantaged two year old. Ian Duncan Smith has said, "A child’s life development score at just 22 months can serve as an accurate predictor of educational outcomes at 26 years."

Did he mean that a child's way of thinking can be more easily manipulated the younger they are?

The sooner the child is removed from within the family unit and placed in a state controlled setting, where what and how they learn is dictated to by the government, the more influence over them the state will have. The most disadvantaged are the easiest to get on side. Once the culture of dependence has been created, the government has them where they need them to be and has full control. The benefits system in this country has created a culture where it pays more for someone not to work than to be in employment. This suits the powers that be because if they are providing your means of living, your home and your money, you are going to give them your vote. You won't bite the hand that feeds you, after all.

Like I said, call me a cynic.

Removing children from the care of their parents, from the environment of the family home and a main, sole carer with whom they have an emotional attachment in order to provide a state controlled, formal education is not going to fix the problems that a disadvantaged child is likely to face in the future.

The claims that these free places will be helping the most disadvantaged don't have me convinced. If these children's parents are failing to talk to or read with their children, or teach the the most basic of things such as recognising their own names, or shapes or colours, then these parents are unlikely to become pillars of the working world.  Those with poor parenting skills would benefit more from hands on parenting classes and re-education themselves, after all, they are the parents for the rest of the child's life - not just during term times.

Ministers claim that mothers cannot afford not to work.  These plans will not change the mindset of these parents. If they do not have the motivation to find employment, and if they do not have a work ethic instilled already, having already been caught up in the benefits trap and finding that it is better not to work than to be employed, then an extra few hours of free childcare for them will not make a jot of difference.

If the government was genuinely concerned about the need for childcare for working parents, they should be providing these places to the parents already working yet having their hard earned wages eaten up by childcare costs, finally proving to the country that work does pay.

If the government were truly concerned about bringing children out of poverty and helping the most disadvantaged children they need to break the cycle.  They need to stop the benefits culture. They need to stop it being a lifestyle choice rather than the safety net it is supposed to be by making work pay.  They need to stop making a benefits lifestyle so attractive to have. This is how to prevent another generation from falling into the trap of a lifetime of handouts.  But they won't.

Young children in disadvantaged families do not need to be taken from their parents and placed into an environment of formal education to improve their lives.  If there is such concern about how little the parent is doing to encourage raising their child to have learnt the most basic of things, it would be better to provide parent/child classes for them together.  The two year old gets to remain with their sole caregiver who in turn is themself being taught how best to educate and support their child. How about providing parenting support to these families rather than dividing them even more?

Why doesn't the government do more to make it possible for one of a child's parents, their emotional link, to be their constant carer during their formative years?  The family unit is being destroyed, eroded little by little with each of these government pledges which are trumpeted behind the mask of "helping" but with the purpose of gaining more control over individuals from a younger and younger age.

You want to fix Broken Britain?

Help families to be families again.


Stop trying to tear mothers who want to raise their own children themselves away from them.  Yes, some mums do want to work outside of the home (so help these ones out with the free education places, won't you?). There are other mums who would rather be raising their children themselves but needing to hand them over to somebody else to care for them while they try to earn enough for their family simply to live.

Why is there no encouragement any more for mums to stay at home to raise their own children?  Why are childcare/nursery places/daycare centres always pushed to the forefront of any election campaign, with everyone else looking after everybody else's children, yet nobody has placed any importance on the value of the family unit and made it possible for us to be parents to our own?

Why can't the minimum wage be set higher enabling one earning partner to support their family more easily, as they should be able to?

Why can't the costs of utilities be more controlled?  The spiralling costs of electricity and gas are hitting families yet the companies are reporting stomach churning profits.

Why are we paying such high prices for fuel?  If the VAT and fuel duty were deducted from the current price of fuel, a litre of unleaded would drop from a pump price of 132.7 pence to 52.63 pence per litre.

House prices have rocketed out of control. Why can't they be reined in or salaries risen to reflect the rising costs of everything else.

Yeah, right... silly me.

No wonder families are falling apart.  It is too difficult for them.  How has something so fundamentally important to the strong structure of society become so meaningless and insignificant?  Why is it so necessary to take children away from the family unit rather than to encourage the unit to grow and strengthen?

The one thing that needs to be nurtured which can help to fix Broken Britain is being damaged beyond belief.

The Family is at risk.  We need it back.

Now.


 
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Friday, 4 November 2011

Blessed

Triplets?!


The photo above was taken yesterday when the twins turned sixteen days old.  Where did those two weeks go?  It's frightening how quickly time is flying by.

I'm still in a state of shock and awe at being blessed with twins.  I still can't believe they are here.  I still can't believe how tiny and perfect they are and I still can't believe that there are two of them - at once.  I wonder what they are thinking when they look at each other.  Do they remember being together in my belly?  Do they know already that they are sisters?  Do they already share a special bond?  I do wonder.

They have fitted effortlessly into the family.  The other children all dote on them.  As two year old Ollie says several times a day, "I love 'em!".  Then he kisses one and makes sure he goes over to kiss the other all in the name of fairness.  Jealousy extends only to who got the chance to hold a baby already/more/first and whose turn it now is and the eagerness to stroke or pat a baby while marvelling at their tiny features still hasn't worn off.  If memory boxes could hold real memories, these are the ones I'd keep forever.

We have been so incredibly blessed and I am so thankful.

Eleven times over.


 
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Thursday, 28 July 2011

I couldn't believe it either!

Yesterday something happened which had never happened before.  At least not to my recollection.  And it was such a significant event that I'm sure I would have remembered it if it had happened before.  But when it happened I was speechless and didn't quite know how to react such was the novelty.

I have a teenage daughter called Stephanie.

She is intelligent, beautiful and hard-headedly stubborn.

A few days ago she was having a few problems and I gave her some unsolicited and most probably unwanted advice because as a mum that is what I do and makes up part of my job specification.

As a teenage daughter her role is to either:

a) get annoyed with me and ignore my advice because what do I know, after all?

or

b) pretend to listen just to appease me and then ignore it regardless because what do I know, after all?


Yesterday popped up her Facebook status claiming she'd taken some advice and... well that was enough for me to pick up my phone to text her.

(Yes, Facebooking... texting... it's the main way of parenting teens nowadays apparently).

"Whose advice did you take?  It's got to be a first for you!"

Steph's reply, "Aha yours :)  don't react..."

*Speechless*

And worthy of only one reaction:



Parents of stubborn teens will understand my need to save the date.  I may take it to Parliament and request that this day becomes an annual holiday.  I'm sure they'd agree.

27th July 2011.

I will never forget this day as long as I live.


 
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