> Larger Family Life - A Large Family Blog: humour
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Friday, 9 December 2011

They were talking about me

Earlier on this week we decided to go to the local shopping centre to pick up some craft supplies and maybe a gift or two. Mike and I loaded up the minibus with the two double buggies and the nine youngest children and set off.

As is quite usual now, we were stopped several times during our trip, with people wanting to know if all the children are ours, how old the twins are and how many children we actually have and any other of the regular questions we get asked. It makes the trips last a little longer but people are so pleasant when they see us and ask them that we don't mind at all.

A lot of older people mention how many siblings they may have had, or others say how they wish they had a large family or how great Christmas must be. We, thankfully, have always received a position reaction.

As we were wandering around another store, we were stopped once again, for what was perhaps the fifth or sixth time during our not even two hour trip. We were asked how many children we had, talked a little with the couple who had stopped us and then continued our shop. Mike took the children outside the shop while I queued up to pay at the counter.

As I was being served a second shop assistant came off the shop floor and began talking to her colleague who was serving me.

"There's a lady over there with eleven kids! Eleven!" she told her friend.

We smiled at each other, with me thinking she'd obviously seen Mike and I talking to the couple we'd just left.

"Eleven?!" the lady serving me repeated.

"Yes! Can you imagine having eleven children?!" the first lady replied.  And as they spoke and laughed together, occasionally glancing over and throwing a smile my way as they did so, it dawned that they didn't realise they were talking about me!


As I stood there, listening to the conversation unfold as I was being served I wondered whether I ought to jump in and tell them that I was the person they were talking about.  They weren't being rude or insulting.  They were both laughing as they imagined having so many children themselves, and were dealing with all the usual questions between each other that people generally tend to ask when they find out the size of your family.

As I was debating with myself, the assistant serving me asked her colleague a question.

"Was the mum slim?"

Whoa!

Here is my cue to jump right on in here and do it fast!  If the lady who had overheard our conversation answered her friend and said, "Oh no! The mum is really hefty!" I would have been devastated!

"No, she's not," I interrupted, and they looked up thinking I was probably being incredibly rude after firstly butting into their conversation and, secondly, insulting somebody I didn't even know.

"I'm the mum!" I explained.

And now we had two apologetic, embarrassed ladies trying desperately to reassure me that no, I am not fat and making the "Wow! Eleven children!" comments.

I don't know who found the situation funnier; me, the assistants or Mike who wondered why I was laughing when I walked out of the shop.

I'll bet the ladies are just thankful they didn't say anything bad!



 
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Sunday, 4 December 2011

Christmas Vomit

Did you read this morning's post?

I thought I would update you.

Here we present to you...




... Christmas Vomit.


Does it look familiar in your house?  Do you sympathise?  Do your children like to help?

Please reassure me (and other parents who aren't brave enough to admit it) and send in your own Christmas Vomit photographs.  I will then share them with everyone right here on the blog.  The winning Christmas Vomit photo will win a copy of our book.  How is that for a deal?

Send your pictures to me at family@largerfamilylife.com with "Christmas Vomit" in the subject line.  You can also share them on our Facebook page, oh and do spread the word. I'm sure we aren't the only family with such great decorating helpers *cough*.

Pukes away! 


 
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Tuesday, 29 November 2011

A conversation with my daughter

My daughter and I were having a chat.

We talked about a heap of things.

Everything from what was for dinner that evening to plans and hopes for the future .

Then the conversation turned to hairstyles.

She told me, "Mum, I really want to do something different with it.  It's just so... boring!""

"It's not boring at all.  It's beautiful!" I replied.

"I think it's time for a change," she said.  "I need to express my individuality, you know!"

"Well, maybe a different band or hair decoration?" I suggested.  "Or what about wearing it this way?"

She looked at me.

"Hmm, that's not quite what I was thinking of."

We went to bed and I thought nothing more of our conversation.

Imagine my shock the following morning when she came downstairs with her hair like this...


Mohican Anna


No, Anna, I do not care that all the cool six week olds are wearing their hair like this, you are not having a mohican and that's final!

*Sigh*

Kids, eh?


Picture credit

 
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Monday, 31 October 2011

Gallery of newborn babies sleeping

There is nothing like watching a newborn baby sleep.  I could do it for hours.  I don't just mean the peaceful, deep slumber but the sheer entertainment value which is provided by the different facial expressions they unknowingly pull while sleeping.  Who knows what they're thinking or if they're even aware of what they are doing?  Either way, it's fun to watch.

Let me show you what I mean.

Here is Libby sleeping away last night.  Before I go on any further I would like to point out that they aren't my hairy legs in the picture.  Not that I don't have hairy legs but you just aren't that lucky to get the chance to see them.

Anyway, back to the point.  Libby sleeping soundly...



It looks like she's snoring with her mouth open.  She's not though.  Here comes the eye rolling thing:




There is a sort of smile there.  She's not too sure if she got the smiling thing right so she decided to pout instead...




... but not wanting to be a quitter at the tender age of 12 days she decides to attempt another go at sleep smiling...



Eureka!  

It goes to show that perseverance pays doesn't it?

Of course, we can't humiliate extol the virtues of one twin over the other so let me share Anna's sleeping expressions with you.  She's been working hard on them too.

Anna sleeping like a... well, a baby... which isn't hard considering she is a... um, a baby....




... this performance starts off with a small flicker of the eyes...




... which gives way to an eye rolling extravaganza accompanied by a small, shy smile (yes, she is still sleeping!)...




... and the super grand finale....




... a sleep smile to end all sleep smiles!

What's not to love?



 
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Tuesday, 11 October 2011

How waiting for new babies affects young children

Every couple of months or so the boys go to the barber for their hair cut.  Now is about the right time for them to be going.  Their fringes should be somewhere down by their eyebrows by now.

Sid's fringe isn't...



Or at least, half of Sid's fringe isn't.

Apparently, his hair "came loose".

A third of the way down.

It just "came loose and fell out".

It must be the stress of waiting for a couple of new siblings.  Because you can see the stress on his face, can't you?

I don't suppose it has anything to do with his own actions.

With scissors.

Does it?

And apparently this "loose hair" phenomenon seems to be quite common amongst young children, or so I've heard.

Has your child suffered?

Please do share, either in the comments below or linking to a post on your own blog*.  Photos are optional**.

* Stories will be dealt with sympathetically.
** Or maybe not.



 
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Wednesday, 3 August 2011

A little midweek fun and a procrastination opportunity for you

It's Wednesday already and halfway to the weekend. To celebrate (because it's nice to celebrate the small moments in life), I thought I would share this little time-killer that is going around on Facebook at the moment.

Here is the Japanese alphabet (I don't take responsibility if this is not correct. It's all in the name of fun anyway!). Use the letters to work out your name in Japanese:

A= ka, B= Tu, C= mi, D= te, E= ku, F=lu, g= ji, H= ri, I= ki, J= zu, K= me, L= ta, M= rin, N= to, O= mo, P= no,Q= ke, R= shi, S= ari, T= chi, U= do, V= ru, W=mei, X= na, Y= fu, Z= zi.

My name is Chikatokika. Doesn't that sound cute?!

Mike's name would be Rinkimeku, or if we used "Michael" it would be Rinkimirikakuta. My name sounds better.

The children's names would be: Ben - Tukuto, Stephanie - Arichikunorikatokiku, Caitlin - Mikakichitakito, Harry - Rikashishifu, Eddie - Kutetekiku, Sid - Arikite, Paddy - Nokatetefu, Oliver - Motakirukushi, Joseph - Zumoarikunori.

That took a while to work out!

So tell me, what is your Japanese name, and if you really feel like procrastinating you can also let me know the Japanese names for the rest of your family too.

I hope you'll join in!

   - aka Chikatokika
 
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Thursday, 28 July 2011

I couldn't believe it either!

Yesterday something happened which had never happened before.  At least not to my recollection.  And it was such a significant event that I'm sure I would have remembered it if it had happened before.  But when it happened I was speechless and didn't quite know how to react such was the novelty.

I have a teenage daughter called Stephanie.

She is intelligent, beautiful and hard-headedly stubborn.

A few days ago she was having a few problems and I gave her some unsolicited and most probably unwanted advice because as a mum that is what I do and makes up part of my job specification.

As a teenage daughter her role is to either:

a) get annoyed with me and ignore my advice because what do I know, after all?

or

b) pretend to listen just to appease me and then ignore it regardless because what do I know, after all?


Yesterday popped up her Facebook status claiming she'd taken some advice and... well that was enough for me to pick up my phone to text her.

(Yes, Facebooking... texting... it's the main way of parenting teens nowadays apparently).

"Whose advice did you take?  It's got to be a first for you!"

Steph's reply, "Aha yours :)  don't react..."

*Speechless*

And worthy of only one reaction:



Parents of stubborn teens will understand my need to save the date.  I may take it to Parliament and request that this day becomes an annual holiday.  I'm sure they'd agree.

27th July 2011.

I will never forget this day as long as I live.


 
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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

10 things nobody tells you about pregnancy - until now

1. Haemorrhoids are only funny when they’re affecting somebody else and not you. That hilarious joke you made about offering to knit someone a woolly hat for their piles is no longer humourous when they say it back to you.

2. Your house will look like a fully licensed pharmacy and by the end of your nine months you will be an expert on all medications including but not limited to iron, antacids, piles and if you’re really unlucky, thrush.

3. You’ll be amazed that your body can stretch so much despite thinking weeks ago that you were about to burst. Is there no end to your elasticity, you wonder.  Apparently not.

4. The floor gets further away the bigger you get. It is also at this stage that you will drop things more often. And making the sound “Aauurghah!” when you pick things up doesn’t actually help, although may be therapeutic to do.

5. The most high intensity workout you have ever managed to achieve is only possible when you are eight months pregnant and trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. Surely the calorie burn from that alone should be enough to get rid of any excess pregnancy weight?

6. Once you have finally found a comfortable position to sleep in/exhausted yourself to the point of unconsciousness you will need to wake for the toilet. That is the law.

7. Pregnancy hormones are real. They are only a fake symptom when other women are pregnant. Military cutbacks can be solved by taking on an army of hormonal pregnant women. After all, who in the world would take them on? Have you seen us at our worst?

8. At least once during the end of your pregnancy you will wonder if your waters had broken or you had an accident. People will be excited if you trickle amniotic fluid. Not so much if it’s urine.

9. No other woman in the world knows how you feel and yes, you are the only women to have ever been pregnant. Who’s going to argue? (See #7 for case in point).

10. You will worry.

You will worry at every single stage of your pregnancy. You think you’ll be alright when you hit 12 weeks because chances of miscarriage fall significantly. Then you reach 12 weeks and start to worry because your midwife can’t find the heartbeat at 13 weeks. Once you’ve found the heartbeat you’ll worry that you haven’t yet felt movement. Once you’ve felt movement you’ll worry that your baby isn’t moving around enough. Then you’ll worry that your baby is moving too much which is an obvious sign to you that he’s in distress. You think you’ll relax when you reach 24 weeks because your baby will be viable. When you reach 24 weeks you pray you’ll make it to 28 weeks because your baby is still so not ready to be born. Then you worry about the labour. And you’ll worry about having everything ready. Trust me, you’re going to worry until you have that baby in your arms.

If you think that birth brings an end to the journey of the worry train that you’ve been on for the last nine months you’re wrong.

It’s going to continue.

No matter how old they get.

Forever.


 
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