Mind the gap - are bigger or smaller age gaps better?

I grew up with one brother. When my mum was pregnant with him she and my dad gave me the choice of a puppy or a baby brother or sister.

 I chose the puppy.

 I didn't get it.

 My second choice was a baby sister.

 No luck there either.

 I got the baby brother.

 Not one of my first two choices.

There were just over seven years between us. We had nothing in common. We went through our lives at different stages and were treated very differently as of course, our ages and abilities were very different.

The biggest gap between our children is between the two girls, Stephanie and Caitlin at 5 years and 4 months. The smallest is between children five and six, Eddie and Sid, at less than a year. Again, I noticed the same issues as I experienced first hand when I was younger. Ben and Stephanie were fourteen months apart. They were best friends and worst enemies. Always playing together yet an argument was never far behind. When Caitlin came along they loved her as their baby sister but she wasn't at the same stage of being able to join in the games or the things that they were interested in. The differences were more noticeable and so the restrictions were more apparent.

After Caitlin came six boys in a row who now range from 11 months up to 8 years. Yes, six boys stair stepping down over a seven year period. The largest gap between any two of them is 22 months. Many people recoil in horror at having so many children so closely spaced but me, I prefer it.

Between each brother and the next there is more in common. There isn't very much the eight year old can do that the six year old can't and virtually nothing between the six and the five year old's abilities. And even though the two year old can't keep up with the five, six and eight year olds as much, there is the link between them of the four year old who is almost able to keep up with the five year old yet not quite miles away skillswise from the two year old. So they all link up together nicely, each bringing their own talent, skills and ways to the table.

This also helps each of them deal with others of different ages and abilities. They become aware that not everybody has the same physical dexterity or logical way of thinking or doing something. They learn that the two year old might not be able to build a complex structure from K'nex but he's very able and keen to show off his row of cars in size order which he made all by himself.

So while there may be several children, all very young and all very close together in age, I actually find it easier this way than I did with the three older ones, when the older two were so developmentally different than the third and with such an obvious gap in between.

Are bigger or smaller gaps better? How long is a piece of string? Everyone will have a different opinion on this and I am keen to know yours.


 Tweet

Subscribe to Larger Family Life and get the latest news directly in your inbox or reader.  You can also join us on Facebook and Twitter too!

Larger Family Life is also available on Kindle!

Many a truth is said in jest

My daughters argue. With eachother. All the time.

All.

The.

Time.

About anything.

And everything.

All the time.

Got that?

All.

The.

Time.

(Just in case you missed it).

The boys may have a ruck, or a yell at eachother. But then it's done and over with. The girls will argue about something that happened on 23rd May 2003. At 5.12pm. All day long.

I often joked (or yelled, depending on my mood at that present moment), that they wouldn't be able to live if they didn't argue. It's as if their lives depend on having a spat with their sister. If they weren't able to do it they wouldn't be able to live. You know, like breathing. Only more vital.

On Saturday afternoon Stephanie left to stay with her friend overnight. They were going out for a meal with her friend's family and wouldn't be back until very late and so we agreed she could stay over on condition she'd be back in time for church in the morning.

By Saturday night Caitlin had a temperature and the shivers. By the time she woke on Sunday morning she was the colour of a beetroot, her temperature had risen quite a bit further and she found it painful to swallow as her throat was so sore, her neck ached and she found it hard to move her head as it hurt so much. This is demonstrated by the photo below, which she doesn't like as she says she couldn't tilt her head and pose properly because her neck was stiff. Surely, the way she was feeling she should have had more pressing concerns?! Like whether she would be feeling better soon?

She spent much of the day on the sofa with her weaving loom and was very out of character for someone who normally bounces around the house instead of walks.

But by the time Stephanie returned in the evening, Caitlin miraculously began to show signs of recovery! Her temperature had come down, and she managed to eat her dinner. Oh bless her heart, she even managed to force herself to eat some homemade fudge! What a hero!

And soon after Stephanie walked in began the needling of the sisters. From one to the other. And back again. And this morning despite her fatigue and malady of the weekend, she was well enough to go back to bossing helping her younger brothers and therefore deemed well enough to go to school.

Normal service has resumed!