Mind the gap - are bigger or smaller age gaps better?

I grew up with one brother. When my mum was pregnant with him she and my dad gave me the choice of a puppy or a baby brother or sister.

 I chose the puppy.

 I didn't get it.

 My second choice was a baby sister.

 No luck there either.

 I got the baby brother.

 Not one of my first two choices.

There were just over seven years between us. We had nothing in common. We went through our lives at different stages and were treated very differently as of course, our ages and abilities were very different.

The biggest gap between our children is between the two girls, Stephanie and Caitlin at 5 years and 4 months. The smallest is between children five and six, Eddie and Sid, at less than a year. Again, I noticed the same issues as I experienced first hand when I was younger. Ben and Stephanie were fourteen months apart. They were best friends and worst enemies. Always playing together yet an argument was never far behind. When Caitlin came along they loved her as their baby sister but she wasn't at the same stage of being able to join in the games or the things that they were interested in. The differences were more noticeable and so the restrictions were more apparent.

After Caitlin came six boys in a row who now range from 11 months up to 8 years. Yes, six boys stair stepping down over a seven year period. The largest gap between any two of them is 22 months. Many people recoil in horror at having so many children so closely spaced but me, I prefer it.

Between each brother and the next there is more in common. There isn't very much the eight year old can do that the six year old can't and virtually nothing between the six and the five year old's abilities. And even though the two year old can't keep up with the five, six and eight year olds as much, there is the link between them of the four year old who is almost able to keep up with the five year old yet not quite miles away skillswise from the two year old. So they all link up together nicely, each bringing their own talent, skills and ways to the table.

This also helps each of them deal with others of different ages and abilities. They become aware that not everybody has the same physical dexterity or logical way of thinking or doing something. They learn that the two year old might not be able to build a complex structure from K'nex but he's very able and keen to show off his row of cars in size order which he made all by himself.

So while there may be several children, all very young and all very close together in age, I actually find it easier this way than I did with the three older ones, when the older two were so developmentally different than the third and with such an obvious gap in between.

Are bigger or smaller gaps better? How long is a piece of string? Everyone will have a different opinion on this and I am keen to know yours.


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Caught in the act!

Yesterday I promised to tell you the truth behind this picture.

Well, you see Eddie?  He's the one in the blue shirt sitting up on the back of the sofa.  The one looking cute and innocent just like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth?  Yes, him.

Do you get the feeling he might be plotting something here?  He has lost track of the task in hand, which is for us to get one, nice family picture.  He's had an idea...

... to ruffle his big sister's only just groomed hair right in the middle of the photo session.

Ah!  Job done!  And doesn't he look pleased with himself?!

You've got to love little brothers, eh?!

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Family reunions and photoshoots

On Saturday I wrote a post about how I was looking forward to having the oldest two over for the day. We have seen them when we've travelled over to visit them but to have them both back here was a long awaited event that we've waited too long to achieve.  I was excited about having all my children here, in the family home, together.

It was an opportunity for lots of photos to be taken.  One lot were taken by a professional who was over to do a magazine photoshoot for a magazine feature we're going to be in.  Another lot were a far less professional set taken by me.

We began with the professional shoot and by the time we were done a few hours later the younger boys (and Stephanie) were full of energy that needed to burn off fast.  We dealt with them in order of necessity and the most hyper child (Stephanie) got to have a "Just Dance" competition on the Wii with her younger yet taller sister.

The boys were rather more reserved and quiet than Stephanie.  I couldn't resist this picture of my oldest and youngest (for now) babies.  It seems like yesterday that Ben, the oldest, was the size of Joseph.

And a long awaited family photo of all the children together.  You have no idea how I feel to finally have this picture.  I can't stop looking at it.  It melts my heart...

I do have to confess though, that this last picture isn't all it seems.  Come back tomorrow for the full story on it!


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Peace on earth and goodwill to all men... except in this house

Peace might be sought after on earth but not more so than it is right here, in my home. Goodwill too. Not with these children.

Best friends but also someone to bicker with.

Constantly.

Snipe, grumble, dig and moan. That's all they do to each other. Well, not all the time but almost all the time.

My children have an uncanny ability to overlook what is expected of them personally.

"Did you brush your teeth?"

Blank stare.

"Have you made your bed?"

"Ummm..."

"Did you put your dirty clothes in the wash?"

"I forgot."

Yet still, quite amazingly, they know exactly what their siblings should have done. Or shouldn't have done as the case may be.

And not only do they know it all, but they'll give themselves the ultimate responsibility of hounding the particular sibling in question over the matter in hand.

Child A: "Have you tidied your toys?"

Child B: "No"

Child A: "Well, you know you're meant to tidy your toys. Go and do it now."

Child B ignores Child A.

Child A: is now getting more annoyed: "Go and tidy your toys I said!"

Child B: "No!"

Child A: "Go and tidy your toys!!"

Child B: "GO AWAY AND DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

Child A: "MUUUUU-MMMMMMM!!! ______ won't tidy their toys!!!!"

Me: "Well, have you tidied yours?"

Child A: "No but ______ hasn't tidied theirs first!".

Their talents amaze me.

I will repeat the same things to them each day, over and over again. I have the same expectations for the same chores and tasks to be completed yet, day after day after day I will repeat the same lines time and time and time again. Despite the constant repetition these requirements never seem to soak into their brains yet still they are able to know exactly what half a dozen other people they are related to are meant to be doing especially if there's the chance they can get them into trouble for not doing it. That, of course, is worth bonus points.

For goodness sakes children, when will you realise that if you each kept a check on your own chores, tasks and behaviour and not worried about everyone else then there would be harmony and joy in this house! Not only that but think of all the brain space it would free up if you were suddenly less concerned about keeping tabs on what everyone else had or hadn't done and just concentrated on the one person whose deeds and actions do affect you... YOU!

Now I'm not going to name any names here and I'm not going to tell you who the biggest instigator of such behaviour is. Except that she is 11 years old and the only female currenly living in our house apart from me, and is now the oldest sibling since Ben and Stephanie moved out and seems to suffer a frequent identity crisis during which she confuses herself with being a parent.

GASP!

...and breathe!

Is it just my house and my kids?

Or is it a girl thing in particular?

Or do the rest of you live in glorious harmony that I can only envy?

Storytime with big brother

It could be the funny voices he animates the stories with, or it could be the stories he reads by turning them into songs. Either way, the younger boys love their older brother reading to them.

Many a truth is said in jest

My daughters argue. With eachother. All the time.

All.

The.

Time.

About anything.

And everything.

All the time.

Got that?

All.

The.

Time.

(Just in case you missed it).

The boys may have a ruck, or a yell at eachother. But then it's done and over with. The girls will argue about something that happened on 23rd May 2003. At 5.12pm. All day long.

I often joked (or yelled, depending on my mood at that present moment), that they wouldn't be able to live if they didn't argue. It's as if their lives depend on having a spat with their sister. If they weren't able to do it they wouldn't be able to live. You know, like breathing. Only more vital.

On Saturday afternoon Stephanie left to stay with her friend overnight. They were going out for a meal with her friend's family and wouldn't be back until very late and so we agreed she could stay over on condition she'd be back in time for church in the morning.

By Saturday night Caitlin had a temperature and the shivers. By the time she woke on Sunday morning she was the colour of a beetroot, her temperature had risen quite a bit further and she found it painful to swallow as her throat was so sore, her neck ached and she found it hard to move her head as it hurt so much. This is demonstrated by the photo below, which she doesn't like as she says she couldn't tilt her head and pose properly because her neck was stiff. Surely, the way she was feeling she should have had more pressing concerns?! Like whether she would be feeling better soon?

She spent much of the day on the sofa with her weaving loom and was very out of character for someone who normally bounces around the house instead of walks.

But by the time Stephanie returned in the evening, Caitlin miraculously began to show signs of recovery! Her temperature had come down, and she managed to eat her dinner. Oh bless her heart, she even managed to force herself to eat some homemade fudge! What a hero!

And soon after Stephanie walked in began the needling of the sisters. From one to the other. And back again. And this morning despite her fatigue and malady of the weekend, she was well enough to go back to bossing helping her younger brothers and therefore deemed well enough to go to school.

Normal service has resumed!

How a 5 year old boy sees his sisters...

In case you can't see it properly it reads "Caitlin 'n' Steph stinks". In his defence, I think he added Steph's name afterwards otherwise he'd have written it as "Caitlin 'n' Steph stink". You have to give him credit for including the apostrophes in "'n'" though.