True Love

Parenting isn't always an easy job. Sometimes you feel like you're running around on a hamster's wheel, running like crazy but going nowhere fast. Some days feel like a drain, and by the time evening comes around it might seem that all you've done is nag and referee and yell your way through the day. And you think "What on earth...?!"

Then, you'll get something like this...



An "I love you card" made by my six year old son who is now at the age where hugging mum perhaps isn't that cool. And saying "I love you" to her certainly isn't. Even with the threat of tickling.

But as I sat at my desk last week this card was placed in front of me, with the deliverer making a hasty retreat to the front room. And I opened it up to read...



Note the "... and others". He obviously got fed up of writing everyone's names individually by the end of it.

I called him back in and asked him if he'd drawn me the card and he nodded, awkwardly. Then I hugged him and thanked him and asked him if he really did love me, and rather than pulling away as has become the norm for him lately, he leant his head into my shoulder and said (very quickly!) "Yes-I-love-you".

And those seconds were the most precious.

The smallest smidgeon of time which reminded me that even the heaviest "What on earth...?!" moments or even days are far outweighed by the fleeting moments of time which tell me that it's all worth it. It's so worth it.

And I felt like the tallest, strongest, luckiest person in the world.

"When will you come to see me?"

Late last year I blogged about our decision to sponsor two children through two different charities, World Vision and Compassion International.

Yesterday I learnt that 5 bloggers were today due to embark on Compassion International's trip to Kolkata, East India. It was through reading a couple of blogs from two previous trips that led me to deciding to go ahead with sponsoring our second child very soon after making the decision to sponsor the first. The bloggers first hand experience of visiting their sponsored children, and of witnessing the work of Compassion International moved my heart in so many ways.

Mary at Owlhaven, and Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer, two of several ordinary people who had been given this opportunity and whose eyes become a window into another world far from ours. And now another handful of people have taken on the role of Compassion Bloggers, chosen to show us just how little it takes to make a big, big difference.

This morning I received a letter from our sponsored child, Doreen. Doreen is eight years old, living with her father and grandmother in Uganda. We know very little about her yet. Introductions have only just been made and there is so much I want to know about her. I imagine she'd like to know about these strangers over here too.

I know that she appreciated the small monetary gift we sent her as a Christmas present, which bought her the rarity of a new dress and shoes, and of food. I know that she enjoys playing with her doll, writing and singing. I know that she lives near a sugar factory. I know that she washes utensils and cooks and cleans her home. I know that she is learning about reading and praying at her Compassion centre. I know that she thanks God for a sponsor to help her. I know these things because she said so in her second letter to me. (Her first letter was a simple "Thank you! Thank you!" on a sheet of paper.)

But the thing that stood out in the letter is her one question to me. Her one question of "When will you come to see me?".

I can't wait to find out more about her. I can't wait to get more letters, and to hear about what she's learning about, and what she hopes to become. And I would dearly love to be able to go to see her. Perhaps one day we'll find a way to make a visit possible. For now, I don't need an aeroplane ticket. £21 a month, an amount that we truly don't miss, and a letter with a stamp on it goes a long, long way to making a difference in Doreen's life.

If sponsoring a child is something you've never considered then why not just think about it? You can find out the answers to many questions on the Compassion website (or here if you're in the UK). If you think you're no good at writing letters there are plenty of ideas here. And there are plenty of updates and information on the Compassion blog too.

If it's something you've been thinking about doing but haven't done yet, then just go ahead and do it. It won't be something you'll regret.

Family Size

Following on from my post a couple of weeks ago questioning the number of children which pushes an average sized family into large family territory, Blogher is this week discussing the very issue of family size. You can join in the discussion right here.

I'm back... again!

It's been a miserable Easter break in this house. Illness has gone through the house, starting off with Stephanie and still making it's way through the younger children. I'm pleased to say that I'm feeling much, much better after having come down with both a chest and water infection, as well as very low iron levels which I always have to deal with during pregnancy. It's one of those things!

The last few pregnancies have resulted in me suffering with Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. This is a condition caused by the hormones in the body during pregnancy causing over softening of the ligaments holding the pelvis in place, therefore allowing them to move around and this in turn causes quite a bit of pain and discomfort, particularly toward the final few weeks of pregnancy. General moving about or walking can be quite painful, as can even sitting or lying down. I have been very lucky during this pregnancy to have held off experiencing the problems for so long. In fact, if it hadn't been for the worry over the baby's health, it would have by far been my best pregnancy so far.

The last few pregnancies have been induced a short while before the due date due to the SPD. As Paddy's labour resulted in an emergency caesarean section, I didn't expect another induction this time to be an option, as induced labour is often more intense than naturally occuring labour. The consultant earlier on during the pregnancy said that we'd be able to discuss this later on in the pregnancy, and can make a decision then.

Next week we have another scan to check on the baby. Since posting about the last scan where we were given the all clear, we had another scan. This was with yet another sonographer who this time wasn't as sure that the shadow didn't indicate a blockage in the bowel. She said that if it was a blockage the baby would be scanned at the time of birth and operated on immediately, but wouldn't go into any more detail, saying that it would be discussed further on our next, and last scan before the baby's due date. This scan is due to be held on Wednesday, and as normal my nerves are becoming more fraught once again. The closer it's coming to the end of this pregnancy the more frightened I seem to be becoming. Part of me thinks that as long as the baby is being carried safely inside me it'll be alright, but another part longs to be holding it safely in my arms and knowing that, even after all the worry and waiting of the last few months, everything is ok. There isn't any way of knowing until it's born though. Rather than the excited anticipation I'm just worried. And scared.

I would have dearly loved to have had some consistency in the staff I've seen, or the people I've spoken with. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like this here. You get who you get and that's it. Apart from my midwife who carries out the general checks every few weeks at the doctor's surgery, and will check on the baby on our return from hospital, there is no other consistency at all with regards to your obstetric staff. This one midwife won't be the one delivering the baby. Again, you get whoever is on the staff rota at the hospital, and you are extremely unlikely to have ever met them before.

So on the calendar for the next two weeks is an appointment for the scan on Wednesday, and an appointment with my consultant on the 28th, where I may come home with a date for induction. It's strange to think that I'm so close to the end of this pregnancy already. Perhaps I ought to think about getting things ready?!

Here is a picture from baby's last scan at 31 weeks exactly.

Picky? Me? I really don't think so.

When we were looking into homeschooling the children I was trying to find a replacement flute teacher as Caitlin would no longer be taking lessons at school. I sent out several emails to various music tutors who had advertised, requesting further information. As well as a fair and not extortionate price per lesson, I also wanted to know if they taught their students to exam level and whether they arranged the exams themselves.

Sadly, very few responded. We were elated when the lady who agreed to teach Caitlin also turned out to be Stephanie's piano teacher at her school. This actually didn't turn out as planned as despite calling her to confirm details as she requested, and despite her still agreeing that all was ok to begin Cait's flute lessons, she never did follow through. In fact, she didn't even call to say that she wouldn't/couldn't/had changed her mind. After three weeks of us wondering whether she'd show or not Stephanie asked her during one of her piano lessons whether she was still ok to teach Caitlin. This was when we found out that actually she now had another student to teach during that time instead. Considering we are completely flexible with days and times I'm more inclined to believe that she simply changed her mind. I don't mind that. I just wish she'd have told us. Simple good manners is all I ask for and don't think it's unreasonable to expect them. So now I'm back to square one of trying to find a reasonably priced flute teacher in the area.

Anyway...

... like I said, we had very few replies to our emails. One lady did respond. She was local and charged a reasonable price per lesson. All good so far. Until I reached the part of her email regarding exams. She stated that she could arrange the exams but we would have to find our own pianoist.

Did you get that?

Pianoist.

PIANOIST.

And I immediately called Mike over to the computer, showed him the email and asked him if he knew why she wasn't "the one". He called me picky. Actually, his exact words were "You're a snob!".

"PIANO-IST?! What on earth is a PIANO-IST?!"

"Well, as long as she can teach flute."

"No! If a teacher of an instrument doesn't know that it is PIANIST, it doesn't give me much confidence in her ability."

He then told me that I am a snob several more times.

I then went on to explain that he is a joiner. He makes things from wood. If I was a potential customer and he referred to his saw as a "sword" he too would be waved off quickly. It's nothing to do with snobbery or being picky. I wouldn't be confident hiring anyone for any job if they didn't know the correct terms for things related.

I think I'm right and would rather keep looking for someone else (flute teacher, not husband). He keeps teasing me and thinks I should have at least called her.

What do you think?

Patience. A reminder to myself.

I watched this and felt shameful at the many times I've failed to show patience to those I love. It's something I need to work on.