When you need it least

I always seem to come down with something during the last few weeks of pregnancy. I don't know whether it's because my iron is low anyway, and that my body is working harder than ever, that makes me more susceptible to colds and illness in the last few weeks.

Ollie, Eddie and Paddy have all had a quick cold come and go. Sore throats, snotty noses and temperatures have hit them all but no sooner have they arrived than they left within a couple of days. That explains Paddy treating us to a quiet Mass on Sunday.

Now it's my turn. I'm supposed to have an appointment with the midwife later today but think I will cancel it. My throat hurts, my head throbs and my body aches all over. Thrown in some breath-taking practise contractions and I'm moving in super-slow motion today.

Add to that the fact that it seems all the children have got some kind of noise making, battery operated toy going and I think my head's going to explode. I think I'm going to make myself a honey and lemon drink (a quarter of a lemon, a tablespoon of honey, boiling water and a couple of dispersible aspirins) then get to work at removing batteries from the offending items.

Shame the kids don't have battery compartments too.

If only Mass were like this every week

Sunday mornings are normally busy getting ready for Mass.  I'm up for my usual 5am start, allowing me to get the washing machine and dryer going, the rabbits fed and watered, the dishwasher unloaded if it finished too late the night before and a coffee or two down me before the rest of the family start their day around an hour later and we embark on a round of breakfasts and showers for everyone before church.

Anyone with babies or toddlers knows how fidgety and inappropriately loud they can be during Mass. Oliver is still classed as "the baby" and so we can make him exempt from the rare bit of crying or loudness.  

By and large, the rest of ours are actually quite good, keeping the fidgets to a minimum and normally able to stay quiet until the end of Mass.  We find they normally get past the worst of the ants in the pants stage at around the age of three.

Except Paddy.

Paddy is just chatty.

And loud.

But thankfully, still cute enough to get away with it.

And even more thankfully, our church congregation are lovely and very, very forgiving to the large, loud, bustling family that takes up a pew and a half each week.

This week though, was one to remember.

It was quiet.

And peaceful.

And we could actually hear Fr Vincent speak.

Well, apart from the odd snore now and then.

Plus it was the first week that we didn't take up a pew and a half ourselves as it was the first week that Caitlin and Harry served at the altar.

One to remember, I think!

What's going on?

For the third time in as many weeks I've had a funny turn. Waking up fine in the morning, I suddenly get shaky, tired and sick, needing to lie down quickly and sleep or head to the bathroom at superspeed and vomit.

Within hours I feel ok again.

What's this all about?

Needing a push or some really strong coffee

During the final month of pregnancy I always find myself slowing right down. I hear about people developing the nesting instinct and deep cleaning their houses. It's about all I can do to keep on top of the laundry (four loads so far today with one more to go).

There are still a few extra jobs hanging over my head but I'm slowly getting through them. With any luck we'll be organised before baby arrives but you know, truthfully, I'd really rather sleep at the moment!

I spent much of the morning getting together Cait and Harry's test papers from the last school year. They're now all sorted out, organised nicely and with the relevant paperwork ready to be sent off for moderation. The new workbooks arrived yesterday and they now need sorting out, as does the filing cabinet and the shelves which house manuals, supplies, paper and other junk which probably shouldn't be there. Actually, there's no "probably" about it.

I pulled out the baby car seat and removed and washed all the fabric, and cleaned down the frame, so that's another job off the list. It will be once I've put it all back together anyway.

This afternoon I've played referee a million and seventy two times already, said the word "no" 539,874 times and pretended not to hear various tell-tales and tattles 912,322 times. A pretty non-eventful day, I think you'll agree.

I'm lacking inspiration regarding what to make for tonight's dinner, even though I'm meant to begin cooking whatever it's going to be in an hour and I have another stack of laundry to fold and put away yet before rotating another load from the dryer to the washer.

Plus we still aren't sure just what we're going to do about Mike's car. He's having to drive the minibus to work at the moment which is more costly fuel-wise but what can we do about it?

So if anyone wants to drive on over in a new car which they plan to leave behind for us, cook dinner, sort laundry and deal with the kids on my behalf while I crawl into bed for a couple of hours, please feel free.

ENOUGH!

Mike's car which he needs for work has failed the MOT... badly. The cost to get it roadworthy and legal is far more than the car is worth.

We have a total of £1 left in our account until tomorrow, when all money is already accounted for. All other bits of money have been eaten up over the last few months and we're fed up with hit after hit after hit.

We need prayers desperately.

35 weeks

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant and for the life of me I couldn't tell you where the time has gone. I think this has been the fastest pregnancy ever. Isn't it a sign of old age when time goes by faster? If it's going this fast now in my mid thirties, what's it going to be like in another thirty years? Faster than Concorde? Then again, not many in thirty years will even remember Concorde.

With five weeks until the due date, (well, actually 12 days until we know the date I'm booked in for the elective c-section, probably in three weeks or so), I have only this week begun to get things in order for the baby's arrival. I've only just this morning got the tiny clothes out of storage and sorted through them. I've pulled out enough items to pack up for hospital and half fill the two drawers I've cleared out for the new one. I haven't taken out everything because for one thing we don't have enough storage and we can take out the rest of the blue outfits once a boy's arrival has been confirmed. A few blue and a heap of neutral and white clothes, tinier than tiny can be or so it seems. No pink stuff. Caitlin is our youngest girl and she's just turned eleven. We don't have any of her stuff at all.

Mike asked what we'd do if it's a girl. Don't worry was my reply. His cousin, Karen, has been holding onto her daughter's clothes for us. Being six weeks older than Eddie, Amy's clothes have been on standby for the last four babies which have arrived since her birth. All turned out to be boys. Karen and Caitlin are still hopeful for us to have a girl. Everyone elses money is firmly on another boy. So now we're waiting to see if our newest addition is going to be the first girl in over a decade or the sixth boy in seven years.

Do they even understand me?

I need to try the following phrases in several different languages so I can find which one my children understand. English simply doesn't cut it lately.

"Stop that."

"Get your finger out of your/your brother's nose."

"Stop standing on your brother's head."

"Be quiet."

"Don't answer back."

"Tidy up."

"NOW!"

"Quieten down"

and most importantly,

"NO!".

If you can help with any language translation or would like to add your own phrase(s) which are commonly heard throughout your home please let me know.

She did it!

She got excellent results and has asked me to post that she is, indeed, AMAAAAAAYYYYYZING!

We're very proud of her.

Well done, Steph!

Good luck Steph!

I didn't have a recent photo of Steph so I lifted this from her Facebook pages.  Sorry Steph!

Today is the day all 16 year olds have been waiting for with a mixture of dread and anticipation.  In fact, it's a similar mix of feelings for the parents too, I think.

GCSE results day.

For those of you unfamiliar with them, these are the final results for the end of compulsory education here in the UK.  Your future plans of attending college and then possibly university, or getting the job of your dreams start here. 

Steph needs a minimum of five passes from A*-C to be able to do the courses she wants in college.  She already has two GCSE's under her belt of Maths at a B, and IT at C.

I've told her I expect A*'s for the rest.

She lol'ed.

What's so funny?

Reach for the stars, Steph. 

I'm sure you can do it.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you today.

xxx

Happy Birthday Caitlin!

So this is how quickly 11 years pass by?

You were ten days late into the world during the hottest summer ever.

It might not actually have been the hottest summer ever but it certainly was hot and probably felt much hotter to me. The only way I could keep cool was by sitting in a paddling pool in the garden. Night times were a nightmare and you'd often find me sitting in a tub full of cold water just trying to cool down.

You came screaming into the world after an 18 hour labour following an induction. Several hours before your entrance the midwife announced that it wouldn't be much longer and your arrival was imminent. Then the contractions stopped.

Thanks.

You were born eventually. That was the only labour which ended up with me haemorraging. Just so you know. Daddy didn't even notice anything was wrong as he was so wrapped in you. You always knew how to wrap him around your little finger.

Still do.

Happy Birthday Uglyface.

Love you. xx

What now?

My first post after our little trip should be full of fun and stories and anecdotes about our time away.

Instead I'm going to tell you that we've returned to find our only shower not working. The upstairs bathroom is pretty much unusable, with the shower having been out of use since we pretty much moved in almost four years ago as it seemed to be giving off a bit of an electric shock(!).

Our downstairs shower room has been our saving grace. Until last night when Mike was using it and the circuit shorted causing all the electrics to go down. Looks like something has burnt out in the unit or something. Either way, whatever it is, it's unusable.

I, having woken up still feeling exhausted and nursing a headache and being completely unable to cool down as it is, now feel like crying at the unfairness of all we've been hit with over the last few months.

Instead I'm going to continue to tell the children to stop shouting, which they will ignore, and we will all get ready for church where I shall pray profusely for nothing else to go wrong and cost us any more money we don't have.

After church, we will return for a quick lunch before setting out to purchase a new shower unit and then will spend the next day or two ringing around to find someone who can replace it for a reasonable price as quickly as possible before we start attracting flies with our collective, non-showered body stench.

All set!

Tomorrow we head off for our two days of fun. We'll be leaving early in the morning to attend the Festival of Quilts at Birmingham NEC. Am I looking forward to it? Am I ever! I'm just hoping Mike and the boys won't be bored there. If they play up (Mike or the boys), I will just threaten to cancel Friday's trip to Cadbury World. Quilting and chocolate. What more could I ask for?

I've packed the camera but still debating whether to take along the laptop. Not sure how feasible live blogging will be but there's always the evening or early morning update I could do instead. Not the same as real time but still...

Tell it like it is

We had a good weekend. Well, quite a good one. Saturday saw Mike spending much of the day in pain after hurting his back, as he did during most of the week in fact. Despite me telling him to stop by the chemist on Thursday for stronger painkillers and anti-inflammatories he decided against it and that he'd carry on regardless. Forget that he could barely move yet still went into work too.

By Saturday he was feeling quite a lot worse and finally decided to make that postponed trip to the chemist. By Saturday afternoon he'd decided (without too much prompting from me), to visit the out of hours doctor. The doctor told him to continue with the pills he'd bought earlier at the chemist and that if he'd gone sooner the pain would probably have eased off by now.

I didn't say I told you so.

But I thought it.

Last Thursday, Mike's cousin Karen came over with her daughter, Amy. Amy is six weeks older than Eddie and Caitlin has claimed her as the surrogate younger sister she doesn't have. Such deprivation from an almost 11 year old who has five younger brothers instead. Karen took Caitlin to stay with them for a few days and on bringing her back on Sunday also collected Stephanie for a visit.

This was only the second time we'd seen Stephanie since she left under bad circumstances, following her older brother's lead, last December. I could write a whole other post on accountability and being liable for one's own actions, and I may one day, but I won't do it today.

While communication has been completely non-existent with Ben for months and months, and I do not yet feel able to forgive a person who is still determined to self destruct and destroy everyone around him, I hope that the situation with Stephanie will be resolved much quicker. She, out of the two of them, seems to be facing and dealing with her consequences which is a great thing. I worry about her inability to choose friends selectively and she can be incredibly hardheaded combined with a naivety that any new person is a friend for life. I hope she'll learn to stand back a little more before throwing herself into situations which aren't good for her, with people that aren't good for her. And to be a good person and come through these challenging years able to look back wiser, and with no regrets on her behaviour or treatment of others while keeping her own self respect. All things that Ben has lost already.

Nonetheless, we did have a good time. The boys particularly were thrilled to see her. Even Oliver, who I thought wouldn't recognise her, didn't take long to settle with her, as if his memories came flooding back. It was a nice day and the first small step of another long journey.

That evening Mike and I were chatting over the day's events. Stephanie and Karen had both stated over and over how huge I looked this time. In fact that comment had been made earlier in the week by a couple of other friends.

"Do you think I look bigger?" I asked Mike.

"No bigger than usual." he replied

"Do you mean, "No bigger than usual when I'm pregnant"?" I asked suspiciously.

"That is usual." he answered.

It must be Monday

Woke up this morning still feeling tired. The kitchen clock showed a time of 3.50 or something like that. Way too early. Unfortunately it was also incorrect thanks to the battery that needed replacing. The real time was 5.15. No chance of heading back into bed for an hour.

I quickly remembered that the minibus was booked into the garage for a steering box replacement for which we must pay £500 for the privilege. I still haven't ordered the new books for homeschooling (another £300) and still have to get a few bits and pieces before the new baby arrives. I think I'm going to have to get a little more creative with the budget as it's just not stretching as much as I need it to, so will have to order in the first few weeks workbooks and get the second half of the order next month or something.

Looks like our plans to start languages with Rosetta Stone need to take a backseat for a while longer. It's already been a year since I originally intended on getting the software and I'm now wondering whether I'll ever be able to give them the opportunity of another language. Oh I'm sure I will, it's just beginning to annoy me (more) that so much has gone wrong and depleted our finances. In fact, it's a long shot but if anyone has any resources or anything at all we may find useful in our homeschooling that they no longer need please let me know. It's possible we may be able to offer your unwanted or un-needed books/resources/equipment/stationary a home for a (very, very) fair price.

By the end of breakfast I'd ordered a few items of boys clothes from an online store which was having a sale.  I recently cleared out their drawers and got rid of several bags of clothes that were no longer wearable they were so worn.  Hand me downs are great but when you have several boys in a row that seem to have made an Olympic sport out of seeing who can create the most holes in their clothes, they don't last quite as long as I'd like.  Still the good thing is that when there's a sale on, pretty much anything from age 1 up to 9 can be bought.  If it doesn't fit somebody now it will do in a couple of months or so!

While I was otherwise preoccupied, Oliver decided to empty a bottle of milk out.  Over his head.  I debated ignoring it but thought, after half an hour, that I couldn't tolerate the stink coming off his hair any longer and stuck him in the kitchen sink for a bath.  Classy hey?

Oliver and Paddy have developed a skill for tag-team pooping.  As soon as I change one the other starts to reek.  Having said that, Sid and Eddie, at some point during the day, will each occupy one of our two toilets at the same time.  With neither of them willing to wipe their own bums at the moment it's a tough decision for me to make when both yell out "I'm fiiiiiin-iiiiiiiished!".  Who to go to first?  Normally the one who is a) smelliest and b) in the closest proximity to me for the stench to bother me more will win in the effort to get their bum wiped first.

And to think, I wasn't going to write a post today because I didn't think I had anything to say.  Aren't you glad I changed my mind?

Maybe not.

Jump leads

That's what I need today. It seems to be that I can't get myself moving this morning. I've done what needed doing in the three hours I've been up so far but I cannot envisage lasting the day without my eyes shutting at some point. Not a possibility which will become a reality though.

I hit 33 weeks of pregnancy yesterday. The last few pregnancies seem to have gone by faster and faster. This one is no exception and certainly feels like it's flown by the quickest. It helped that, halfway through, the hospital changed my estimated due date from 6th October to 30th September, thereby knocking a week off instantly. Also, taking into account that Mike and I have decided to opt for the elective caesarean this time which will decrease my pregnancy by another week or two and I've lost almost a month of gestation to that I had originally expected.

Nothing is ready yet. I suppose I ought to get going in that department. I did sort out the boys clothes and have two drawers emptied out ready for the new baby. The new baby's clothes, I mean. Not for the new baby to sleep in. Although at this rate it's looking likely. Paddy is refusing to give up the cot in the boys room and make the move into the big bed. This means Oliver can't move out of the cot in our room into the cot in the boys room. Which means the new baby currently has nowhere to sleep. Apart from the drawer. Which in turn means that at this rate the baby will also be naked because we'll have nowhere to store its clothes.

Uphill

It's been one thing after another lately.

You might recall the succession of things breaking down and going wrong in this house over the last couple of months.

It began with one of the computers, then, if I remember correctly off the top of my head, continued with (in no particular order), having to replace or fix the dishwasher, dryer, minibus, ending up with a four month old fairly-expensive-in-the-first-place-quilting-machine-that-I-rely-on-for-work developing problems and needing to be sent for repair where it sustained further damage and of course the minibus needing replacing.

I'm sure more has gone wrong but I can't be bothered to go back to previous posts to check and if I can't remember then my mind has blocked it for a reason. Reason likely being that I probably can't handle much more.

Last week a bath (well, basin actually) tap broke and needed replacing and then we discovered the new minibus leaking steering fluid.

New minibus was taken to the garage this morning for a look over and a quote.

We now have to find another £500 to repair the steering box or something. And we were meant to be going away for our little family two day trip (the only kind of "holiday" we'll have taken since 2007). If we can't get the bus fixed we will have to cancel and then lose the money we've paid for the hotel. Ok, so it was on a deal but we still paid something for it.

We just can't keep doing this. When is this run of bad luck going to end? We can't afford this constant rapid flow of money leaving this house. It's been a battle of struggling to take a step forward but sliding back half a dozen. Uphill on ice.

Why is everything going wrong?

When will it end?

Super Hero

Yesterday the boys were discussing strength. Who is stronger than whom. What is stronger than what else. You get the picture.

There was quite a debate going on until I heard Eddie triumphantly cry out:

"Dad! Dad is the strongest person in the world!"

The others agreed.

It made me smile to think that their biggest superhero is their own daddy.

I'm inclined to agree.

Freeze the moment

I logged into blogger to record the sound of relative silence. One child having their morning nap, one child baking shortbread biscuits and four other children playing together quietly in the playroom.

By the time I'd logged in however, normality resumed.

But I just wanted to record that at 9.27am, on August 10th, 2010, it was peaceful here.

Let's set the large family record straight, shall we?

I first saw this video on Father Boyle's blog a couple of weeks ago and loved it. It made me smile to watch the busyness of a large family (of thirteen children, if I'm correct) held together with such joy and love and yes, even the kiddie tears and disagreements.

This is the truth about large families, or at least all the large families I know of. A world away from the articles I've referred to in my last couple of posts, don't you think?



If you've come across anything similar you'd like to share email me at family@largerfamilylife.com. Let's set the record straight, shall we?!

And if that wasn't enough, another one stating the "facts" about large families.

Ignore the fact that it reads like a schoolgirl's essay scribbled over breakfast as her deadline approached and ignore that the writer, like the one in my previous post, states many opinions as "facts" once again without backing them up or linking to supporting studies or evidence.

Read and enjoy (!)

A tale of two posts including why you SHOULDN'T have a large family. Apparently.

Earlier today I was having a look around for some large family articles and posts. Now it doesn't normally surprise me to read some things which disagree with large families. But occasionally you get the odd blog post or article which is, quite frankly, so unbelievable you wonder whether the writer was serious or had their tongue firmly stapled to their cheek when writing it.

You see, when Google throws up the title "Children of large families have less of everything" you can't help but want to click on it. But you know it's not going to be complimentary to large families. So brace yourself.

In a nutshell the writer claims that large families are prone to disciplinary problems with the children suffering malnutrition, a poor education, inadequate housing conditions and a lack of attention. That's just the first main paragraph.

Sibling rivalry is mentioned. What about the support siblings offer each other? The help to accomplish a task you can't do alone? The always having someone to play with, to talk to or, yes, even to disagree with. But to always have there with you no matter what? She didn't mention that.

She mentions several studies which focus on this issue. She hasn't linked to a single one. I'd like to see them, if I may.

She states that:


"Smaller families also have better housing facilities than large families. Having less children to allocate their expenses to, parents have the opportunity to save enough or provide beyond their children’s basic needs.".


Now, not wanting to sound pedantic or anything but she may want to use the term "Having fewer children.." (correct use of the english language) instead of "Having less children...", (which is incorrect use of the english language). Anyway...

She then goes on to say:


"Children of large families are provided with the basics, such as food and clothing but their parents seldom have the time to spend with them storytelling, to the mall or park, and other quality activities.".

Yes, I have to agree here. My children had to wait until the Nintendo Wii had been out for more than two years before we bought them one.

I also agree with the fact that I don't often take them to the mall. Or the shopping centre as we refer to it here in the UK. I can't stand the places. Shopping gives me a headache and makes me stressed and why, oh why, would I want to drag my children around one when I myself don't want to be there? So yes, they lose out on that quality time. I'd rather poke pins in my eyes. Bad mother of many I am for depriving them of that experience often.

Parks, we do. Picnics, days out, museums, library visits, trips and get togethers with friends.

Ooh and here's something truly shocking. A revelation if you will. Stories can be read to several children at once. It really isn't that hard to read to a few of them together instead of one at a time. A tough concept to grasp for some, I'm sure.

Ah, mother's health. Well, yes I have had several miscarriages. And? I'm sorry, I can't see how that's affected any of the children. They weren't aware of it. They know when I've trodden on a piece of lego though. I make a point of making my pain known then. But my miscarriages are nothing to do with my children or how they are raised. So why is that even in here?

Ok, now we're onto the poor quality of education. My children are home educated. The main decision to do so was the lack of education they were receiving within a mainstream school. They are waaay ahead of their peers and are articulate, confident and have an array of skills. They know when to use "less" and "fewer". I'm just saying.

Interestingly enough there's a paragraph at the end where the writer refers to a study conducted by Rita Mataragnon who interviewed 1,600 women with "plenty of children". Apparently 88.9% of these women wanted fewer children. Now I can honestly say that I have never, ever come across any woman who has told me she wishes that she didn't have little Tommy or little Annie. I have never heard a mum say "Yes, he is beautiful isn't he? I really wish he wasn't here though". I haven't seen this study but will have a look around for it.

I've just picked up on a few points on this article. It's too late in the day for me to go through it sentence by sentence but I don't think there's one single, solitary part which didn't make me guffaw at the screen.

And now for something a little different...

If I hadn't already come across this post before reading the glorious insight into the trials and tribulations of raising a bunch of demanding yet neglected offspring, I would have probably thrown my laptop out of the window (then ran after it very quickly to check it was ok).

Mind your own business.

I'm not being rude. It's a great post!

Read it. It'll make you smile again and bring your blood pressure back to normal.

Thank you, Patty, for sharing your story. God knew I needed to read that today!

And the winner...

... of the $50 or £50 CSN gift certificate is...

Number 8!

I still can't work out how to copy and paste the image into Blogspot from Random.org so you'll just have to trust me I'm afraid.

Can the winner (lmurley) please email me at family@largerfamilylife.com and let me know if you're from the US or UK.

Thanks to everyone who entered. Hopefully we'll have another giveaway some time soon!

The world within

Just over a month ago, on July 1st, Mike, the children and I went along to Apeekaboo Imaging for a 4d scan.

At £150 it's not cheap! Especially when everything is breaking down and going wrong and the finances are taking a battering. But still, given that we'd resisted so far it was something we wanted to do this time.

We thought we knew what to expect. We'd seen the pictures on the internet and leaflets.

"We'll see our baby more clearly than we would on a regular scan."

That's about it, really.

Really?

No.

Not just that.

It was so much more than that. The window into a whole other world was opened up in a way we'd never experienced before and we were all amazed and watching in awe at what would happen next. To say it was magical would sound so unreal, so extreme and dramatic even. But it was... magical!

I've experienced many pregnancies. This is my ninth successful (God willing, may it continue to be), plus eight losses. I know how lucky I am to be able to carry a child. It never ceases to amaze me how something so perfect can be created in secret within my body. But during pregnancy, though I attend the routine scans and midwifery appointments and listen in on the heartbeat and know that there's a baby growing in there, it's kind of forgotten in everyday life in many ways.

Of course, I don't forget I'm pregnant now that I'm bigger but certainly during the middle part, the part whereby the sickness had worn off but before there was any visible baby belly, there was a stage of "Am I really pregnant? Is everything ok?".

How can I explain what I want to say?

It's like you know there's a baby in there but to realise there's actually a baby in there.

I never gave thought to what it was doing, apart from growing and kicking and occasionally getting some kind of body part digging awkwardly into my ribs. A real baby doing real baby things! The same things it's going to do when it's born.

To watch it all happening before your eyes is so surreal.

So amazing.

So magical.

So humbling.

Getting a little squashed perhaps?

It's not wind! The baby is really smiling!

Get your finger away from your nose!

Getting comfy...

Frowning...

Trying to find a hand to chew on...

See?

Amazing.

I was 27 weeks pregnant exactly on the day these pictures were taken.    It was around the time a report came out stating that a 24 week old foetus baby cannot feel pain.  Stated not as opinion but as fact. 

I didn't believe that for a minute.

My belief was strengthened as soon as I was witness to the world within.

And one of my favourite verses sticks in my head.

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..."

Because, God knows, there is no way in the world I'd be able to create something so wondrously perfect myself, when half the time, I don't even know what's going on in there, let alone be able to make it happen.